But that feeling in the pit of your stomach won’t just disappear because you know you have to deal with the problem. But did you know that avoiding the conversation could make things a lot worse?
“The main problem is that we wait before delivering the message, instead of nipping it in the bud before it has the chance to grow. One consequence could be that other employees begin to see you as a manager who does nothing to address the problem”, says Anders Börjesson, business consultant at IHM Business School, speaking to Vision.se.
Step into the other person’s shoes to see where they’re coming from. What factors could be driving them to act/say/do things the way they are doing? What is the other person looking to get out of the situation? Knowing these viewpoints will help you create a win-win situation and deliver the message in a calm manner
Confrontation suggests meeting someone face-to-face with hostile intent. Examine what your true intention with this conversation is. If your intent is potentially hurtful to the other person, how can you look at this conversation differently?
First, be clear on your intentions and desired outcome. Remind yourself of what happened. Identify and take responsibility for your part in the situation. It will help avoid repeating an unwanted pattern. With respect to approach, put yourself in the other person’s shoes and think about how you’d want someone to approach you.
When you’re facing a difficult conversation, ask yourself why you really need to have the conversation. Is it more difficult having the conversation or keeping the status quo? By answering this you may find the conversation is not as difficult as you fear.
Wanting the best for the other person is a good place to start. One of our basic needs is to be seen and cared for. Show interest in their feedback first and narrate the conversation around compassion.
Starting your sentences with “I” avoids putdowns, judgment and blame, which are key to keeping your composure. First, describe their behaviour by using, “When I hear you say…” Then explain the feelings or thoughts it creates: “I feel/think …” Then note the effect their behaviour has: “It impacts…” I-statements promote a willingness to find a solution and seek constructive change without conflict.
Aim to find the “truth” of the matter and to have the conversation from that place instead. As mentioned earlier, try to stick to the facts. Likely this problem is not about you – so why take it personally? How the other person responds is up to them; all you can do is be honest and real while looking for a solution. Go and have that conversation now.